How to Endure
An Economically Conscious Guide to Coping with Murphy’s Law
Let’s be honest, this wartime economy is doing no one good. Compromises and sacrifice are routine. Heartbreak, headache, broke and exhausted-- some cosmic force just looms, keeping anything from going right.
Shout-out to the former administration and ol' Murphy for lost jobs, lost friends, lost lovers and suffering. We’ve got a lot to cope with. But as long as there are yield signs, blind dates and high school reunions, everything that can go wrong, will.
The light at the end of the self-depreciating tunnel is that Murphy's Law, like hope, comes and goes in waves. There's no question, though, when the rough times come, they come hard and long, and not in the roll-over-and-light-me-a-cigarette way.
But accept no defeat. Instead of giving in and up, consider these few tips for how to endure and survive the hard times without exhausting your savings account.
1. If you want to wear pajamas for two days and not leave bed and eat ice cream with a fork, go ahead! Just opt for the Safeway brand instead of Ben and Jerry’s, which is cheaper, while tasting painfully identical.
2. So you don’t necessarily have the means to be fiscally indulgent, but moral indulgence is accessible, acceptable and comforting. Just limit yourself to three nights of excess, whether fine food, theatre or binge drinking.
3. Going out every night is not all it's made out to be. Staying in is financially helpful and can give you time to look up jobs, catch up on old e-mails, job postings and international news. And if it so pleases you, fine, check the ex’s Facebook. But do not go so far as to change your network to try and get a glance at that new girl leaving him wall posts.
4. Also, refrain from sending your former boss angry e-mails about his overly friendly hugging and bad breath. You still need a reference letter-- seek as many resources as possible to help you secure a new job. However, if you’d like to anonymously note his uncharming behavior to the big boss and his wife, you do so.
5. Between job searching, fill your newly freed calendar going for bike rides and take trips to free museums. Spend hours in bookstores! People watch at cafes with free refills on coffee. Don’t get embarrassed if someone catches you looking.
6. It is not regressive to invite over your best friends for a sleepover, drink too much Two Buck Chuck and vent.
7. It is regressive to call the ex-ex-boyfriends for some instant gratification, no matter how unappealing sleeping alone sounds. If you want comfort, check Craigslist for free kittens and find something worthy of your love. You'll feel great about adopting and can guiltlessly let it be an outdoor cat after it stops being cute and little. There are discount pet foods and it's completely unnecessary to commit to expensive supplies.
8. If you really must give in to our capitalist programming, schedule your retail therapy appointment at the local consignment shop instead of at Nordstrom. You can look timeless in real vintage. If you want distressed denim, you can find a cheap pair of already worn-in jeans and borrow your little brother’s skateboard. You don’t need to pay $280 when you can just take a fall or two. It builds character.
9. You do not have to go out with the guy your stepmother met at the grocery store and thinks is just perfect for you. Turning down a free meal is unequivocally superior to enduring a regrettable evening of small talk and utter lack of commonality.
10. On a side note, ladies, broke or not, there are some things there is absolutely no need to compromise, particularly your independence. This has nothing to do with a Destiny's Child song. This is not 1954 and you do not need anyone to gain some regressive sense of power or control because he picked up a check. You can manage to split the cost of a meal, do not just accept it when your date reaches for the bill. Of course not every guy is scum, looking more for a toy than an equal. This may sound unnecessary and unrealistic. Maybe over reactive and even a little femi-nazi. But why even chance the vastly inaccurate perception of weakness.
11. There’s just one last thing that will undoubtedly help ease your sorrows. It most certainly won’t remind you of these troubling economic times before us.
Laugh. Sometimes it’s all you can do.
